Orochimaru vs Nuriko The Better Crossdresser
by Axletia Rosonetis
Summary: It's just your basic fight against Orochimaru of Naruto and Nuriko of Fushigi Yuugi over... cross - dressing ! Naruto/Fushigi Yuugi crossover. Rated T for constant use of the b word.


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Orochimaru vs. Nuriko - Who is the Better Cross - Dresser ?

_My first Naruto fanfic ! It's a Naruto/Fushigi Yuugi crossover. Uh, I decicate this to my friend, who really likes Orochimaru as the best charcter of Naruto, and I like Nuriko as the best character of Fushigi Yuugi. I do not own either story, but enjoy !_

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(A/N: I really don't care if some of the characters are dead - using them anyway.)

It was a regular day in ancient China. Nuriko and Hotohori was playing... ping pong ?! With a lot of strength, of course Nuriko won. He dropped the paddle and smirked. " See, Your Majesty ? I _told_ you I would win ! " Nuriko said with a broad grin.

Hotohori rolled his eyes. " Can you cut the crap with 'Your Majesty' ?! My name is freaking Hotohori, and we both know that ! "

" Okay... "

" Oh, and we're still not going on a date. "

Nuriko whined. " But, _Hotohori ?!_ Why _not ?_! "

Hotohori gave his narcissist glare to Nuriko. " Cause I'm married, you gender - bender ! " - (to Kouri, I think. Somethin' like that.)

Just then, Tamahome , Tasuki, and Chichiri came in. Chichiri sighed and scratched his face behind his mask. " We got stuck by the horse - cart parade, no da. "

Nuriko was still sobbing. Tasuki sweatdropped. " What the hell is wrong with Nuriko ? "

Hotohori gave a small nervous laugh. " He's still mad because I won't go out with him. But... where's Miaka, Mitsukake, and Chiriko ? "

Tamahome raised a finger. " Uh, Miaka is somewhere. We dropped Chiriko at this stupid summer camp for three months as an April Fool's Joke. And Mitsukake is grave robbing with Nakago. "

O.o " I thought Mitsukake was the sane one out of the eight of us, " Nuriko said.

Tasuki shrugged. " Guess not. I always thought Mitsukake was suspicious with that healing volunteer work excuse he always uses on our poker games on Friday. "

Miaka came in just then with a giant sack of food. Tamahome sweatdropped. " Miaka, what the heck is in that sack ? "

" Uh, pork ramen. Cheeseburgers. Onigiri. Some double mint ice cream. You know, the usual, " Miaka replied.

" Okay, then..."

The five Celestial Warriors watched as Miaka gobbled her usual feast of food like a pig. Nuriko started to spray Lysol. " God, you belch like a man, Miaka ! " he said.

Miaka glared at Nuriko. " You _are_ a man, you dolt ! "

Nuriko winked as he did an anime pose. " Yeah. But I'm so proud of my femimine beauty. I'm the best cross - dresser in all of Hong-Nan. I'm probably the best cross - dresser in all of Asia ! "

Hotohori rolled his eyes. " I wouldn't doubt it. "

The cross - dresser lightly punched Hotohori on the shoulder. " Why don't you ever cross - dress ? You look like a woman, too ! Remember that time where we acted like prostitutes so Miaka could find Tasuki ? "

Hotohori blushed a fiery red. " You promised you would _never_ speak of that incident again ! "

Chichiri laughed. " I liked that time. I got to be Hotohori for a few days, no da ! "

Tasuki sweatdropped. " That's a little disturbing, Chichiri. "

Tamahome nodded. " Tasuki is right. "

Miaka just kept on eating her food.

Suddenly, an SUV crashed into Hotohori's wall. A snake like creature with some other people came out of the van. They were Orochimaru, Kabuto, Sasuke (gagged,of course), Naruto, Sakura, and Kimimaro. Hotohori's jaw dropped. " Hey, who the hell are you guys ? "

Naruto did a retarded anime pose. " I'm Naruto Uzumaki of the Hidden Leaf Village ! I'm going to be the Hokage someday ! Believe it ! "

Sakura pummeled Naruto to the ground. " I'm not going to believe it, Naruto ! You're a retard ! " she screamed. " Oh, by the way, I'm Sakura Haruno. "

Sasuke yanked the gag out of his mouth. " Damn it ! I'm Sasuke, and I'm totally emo. "

Kimimaro glared at Sasuke, poking him with one of his bones. Orochimaru stuck out his tongue. " I'm Orochimaru. I heard that someone thought they was the best cross - dresser in Asia ? "

Nuriko took a step forward. " Yeah. I'm Nuriko. You must be Orochimaru. And... who's the glasses guy ? "

Kabuto gave a glare. " I'm Kabuto. I'm Orochimaru's bitch. "

Kimimaro glared at Kabuto. " No way. I thought _I_ was Orochimaru's bitch !

" You were his _old_ bitch. I'm his bitch now. "

Orochimaru glared at the both of them. " You're both wrong ! Sasuke's _my _bitch ! "

Sasuke groaned. Sakura yanked Sasuke's arm and aimed a gun at Orochimaru. " Hey, Sasuke is _my_ bitch, and _I'm _his bitch,_ bitch_ ! "

Orochimaru stepped back. " Okay, then... maybe later... "

Tasuki glared at the Naruto group. " Yeah... so what the hell are you guys together for ? I thought Naruto and Sakura were the good guys of your crappy anime. "

Kabuto shrugged. " Eh. We needed bait. Sasuke ran over to us when he found out we had Naruto. "

Sasuke cursed. _**" SHUT THE -- UP ! "**_

Chichiri summoned a cloud and quickly fled to Daichi - San to train with Tai - Yi - Jun. Orochimaru glared at Nuriko. " Anyway, I'm the better cross - dresser, so shut the f-- up, you noob. "

" Hey ! I was originally made in like, 1995 ! I'm technically older than you in manga/anime ! " Nuriko hissed. " So..._ you_ shut the f-- up, noob snake guy ! "

Orochimaru stomped his feet. Miaka and Naruto were talking about ramen. Kabuto and Kimimaro were arguing again. Tasuki and Sasuke started to poke each other. Nuriko was trying to make out with Hotohori (but of course, failed.)

Tamahome made a cough. " Um, why don't you two have a contest to see who is the better cross - dresser ? "

Miaka hugged Tamahome. " That's a great idea, Tamahome ! "

Nuriko nodded. " Yeah, Tama - baby has his point. I'll take down Orochimaru ! "

Orochimaru flipped his tongue around in a circle. " Bring it on, bitch ! We'll go in the Leaf Village to do it ! "

Kabuto did a jutsu, and the whole group was transported.

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_**" OKAAAAY ! WE FINALLY HAVE A COMPETITION IN THE LEAF VILLAGE'S AUDITORIUM ,**_ " Tsunade announced, _**" AGAINST OROCHIMARU AND NURIKO ! "**_

Naruto looked white as he nudged at Sakura. " Who do you think will win ? Cause I betted like all of Froggie's belly on the Fushigi Yuugi character. "

" I dunno. I'm just glad you, me, Sasuke-kun, and Kabuto were picked as our judges. "

Sasuke glared at Sakura. " This sucks. I don't _wanna_ be here ! I wanna kill Itachi alreadyyyy ! "

_PUNCH !_

_" SHUT UP, EMO- BITCH ! "_

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Meanwhile, Miaka, Tamahome, Tasuki, and Chichiri (who somehow came back) sat in the seats of their part of the judges' side. Tasuki grinned. " I bet that if Nuriko wins, Hotohori will go on a date with him. "

Tamahome also grinned. " So did I ! "

" I bet on ramen ! " Miaka said.

Chichiri slapped his forehead. " I still think gender - bending is weird, no da. "

Hotohori ran to the judges' table and slapped Tamahome and Tasuki. " I'm gonna do something bad to you two if Nuriko wins ! " he hissed.

Tamahome waved him off. " Whatever. I'm not scared of you. "

-grrr.

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Finally, the competition started. Tsunade walked up to the podium drunkenly and adressed the audience in a booming voice. " Okay, we don't have a lot of time, cause I have to do Shizune, so we're just going to see which pathetic man looks more female ! First up is Orochimaru ! "

Orochimaru then walked in. He had a green kimono on with a pink sash. The kimono had bright pink flowers on it. He had a lot of blush on, and purple lipstick. He had on sandals and his hair was put down in a girly fashion. He made a few M-rated poses, and stuck out his tongue.

Naruto shrugged. " Eh, I give an eight. "

Sasuke cut himself and shrugged. " I give him a 4.5. "

" So do I, " Sakura muttered.

" I give him a 10 ! " Kabuto declared, winking at Orochimaru.

Kimimaro glared at Kabuto. Miaka held up an eight sign. Tamahome gave a nine sign. Tasuki laughed as he gave Orochimaru a five. And Chichiri gave a three.

Tsunade nodded at the results. " So... Orochimaru has a total of 52 points out of eighty ! Can Nuriko do any better ? Let's hope so ! "

Nuriko slowly came out seductively. He had his hair in his beehive like fashion. He was wearing a pink kimono with sandals. The kimono had a cherry red silk sash. He didn't have any blush or lipstick on, but he had mascara on and fake nails. He did an anime - pose. " I love all gender- benders and misguided people, like Uchiha ! "

Naruto snickered. " I give an eight. "

Sasuke blushed. " Uh, I give a seven. "

Sakura sweatdropped. " Uh, I give a nine. "

Kabuto grumbled under his breath. " I give a one, for sucky makeup. "

Miaka glared at Kabuto as she said nine. Tamahome and Tasuki both said ten, and Chichiri gave a five.

Tsunade gave a thumbs-up. " Nuriko's total is... 59 ! So... our gender - bender champion is... wait a minute ? Who is that ? "

Hotohori came in then. His hair was usual and he was wearing the regular clothes. Naruto grinned. " Wow ! He's so _natural_ ! I give a ten ! "

Sasuke sweatdropped. " I'll give a ten, too. "

Sakura nodded. " Me too. "

Kabuto rolled his eyes. "_ Fine_. I give a four. "

Everyone else gave a ten. Tsunade grinned. " Okay, he's not on the ballot, but Hotohori wins ! "

Hotohori gasped and broadly beamed. Orochimaru and Nuriko facefaulted. Tamahome and Tasuki groaned. Naruto and Miaka were both crying over the lost bets.

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Hotohori shoved his trophy in Nuriko's face. " I can't believe I won ! I'm _so_ happy ! "

Nuriko punched Hotohori. So did Tamahome, Tasuki, and Miaka kicked him in his happy place. Chichiri sighed. " Thank Suzaku I betted on Hotohori, no da. I get more crayons for Chiriko and me ! _YAY ! "_

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Meanwhile...

Orochimaru injected himself with crack and sighed as he chugged at his flask. " How could I lose ? This sucks ! "

Naruto shrugged as he ran in circles. " Believe it ! Believe it ! Believe it ! Belie- _OWWWW ! " _

_**PUMMEL ! SLAP ! SMACK ! MALLET !**_

Kabuto put a blanked out of Orochimaru. " Don't worry, Sir. Maybe next year. "

Kimimaro handed Orochimaru more beer. " Yeah. It's not your fault. "

Orochimaru touched the gagged unconscious Sasuke inappropriately and gave a small smile. " Yeah. At least I'm better at cross - dressing than those Pokemon bitches. "

" Mrph - mrph - mrph (No, you're not !) " Sasuke said in his muffled voice.

Orochimaru kicked Sasuke back unconscious and smiled. " Yep. I am, you guys. "

End

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_So... how did you guys like it ? If you did, review ! My first Naruto/Fushigi Yuugi fic on here ! Hopefully I'll get more done, no da. _


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